The emotional pain from a betrayal in a relationship is often difficult to endure. If your partner stepped out on the relationship, or if you betrayed your partner, this can be a confusing and painful time. Melody has helped many individuals and couples find ways to cope with the complexities of affair recovery. She provides step-by-step guidance and coaching to help you and your partner acknowledge feelings, build trust, and ultimately rebuild a new marriage.
What is Infidelity? It is an issue of boundaries gone wrong
There are three phases of healing from an affair:
- Phase 1: Disclosure
This is a time of truth-seeking, experience, and exploring pain, but it’s important to be careful because attacks (e.g. “How could you do this, you beep”) and disqualifying pain (e.g. “Oh, just get over it”) can occur. Melody can help you navigate these difficult conversations.
- Phase 2: Information-seeking
What matters most in terms of healing and rebuilding trust is how you talk about the betrayal. For the partner who has been hurt, it’s best to act like a reporter seeking information; ask who, where, when, how, and why. It’s important to ask yourself this question: will knowing this fact help or hurt me?
There are two types of information. Information that stops obsessive thoughts—also known as the “need to know” information—is healing. However, information that fuels obsessive thoughts is harmful and should be avoided.
If you are the hurt partner, you may need to work through these painful or intrusive thoughts with a therapist. This is where Melody comes in.
- Phase 3: Rebuilding the marriage
You will never have the same marriage you had before the affair, but you can create a new one that can be even stronger and filled with understanding, trust, empathy, and healing.
To do this:
- Create good will; focus on strengths and areas of connection
- Understand the story of and behind the affair
- Understand vulnerabilities
- Create an environment that builds trust and reconnection
Tips to remember
- How you tell the affair story is more important than what you share
- Shift from adversarial to empathic
- Avoid power struggles
- Control destructive outbursts
Secrets are the experience of thought suppression, which creates an unreasonable perspective. Secrets create traps and stop us from having freedom. Remember: what we resist, persists.
Call Melody today at 403-808-9124 and begin to heal your marriage.