Affair Recovery

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Affair Recovery & Trust

When a betrayal occurs in a relationship the resulting emotional pain is often difficult to endure. It is a confusing and painful time if your partner has stepped out of the relationship or if you yourself have betrayed your partner. Melody has helped many individuals and couples find ways to cope with the complexities of affair recovery. She provides step by step guidelines and coaching to help you and your partner acknowledge feelings, build trust and ultimately rebuild a new marriage.
What is Infidelity: It is an issue of boundaries gone wrong

There are three phases of healing from an affair:

  • Disclosure phase- This is a time of truth seeking -experience and exploring pain but be careful because
  • Attacks can occur: Example how could you, you beep beep……………
  • Disqualifying pain can occur: Example oh get over it
Melody can help you to navigate these difficult conversations

Information seeking phase: What matters the most in terms of healing and rebuilding trust is how you talk about the betrayal. For the partner who has been hurt it is best to act like a reporter seeking information asking who, where, when, how and why. It is important to ask yourself this question. Will knowing this fact help or hurt me

Information that stops obsessive thoughts; the I need to know! information, is healing.
Information that increases obsessive thoughts is harmful and should be avoided

If you are the hurt partner you may need to work through these painful or intrusive thoughts with a therapist and Melody can help.

Information that stops obsessive thoughts; the I need to know! information, is healing.
Information that increases obsessive thoughts is harmful and should be avoided
If you are the hurt partner you may need to work through these painful or intrusive thoughts with a therapist and Melody can help.

Rebuilding the marriage phase: You will never have the same marriage you had before the affaire but you can create a new one that can be even stronger filled with understanding, trust, empathy and healing. To do this:

  • Create good will, focus on strengths and areas of connection
  • Understand the story of and behind the affair
  • Understand Vulnerabilities
  • Create an environment that builds trust and reconnection
Tips to remember
  • How you tell the affair story is more import then what you share
  • Shift from adversarial to empathic
  • Avoid power struggles
  • Control destructive outburst

Secrets are: the experience of thought suppression which creates an unreasonable perspective; remember what we resist – persists
Secrets create traps and stops us from having freedom
Ideas from the book Not Just Friends by Shirley P. Glass Ph.D

Call Melody today and begin to heal your marriage 403-808-9124
John Gottman: The importance of trust

How to Spot A Liar

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